The Bacon Standoff

Wow, time has flown by. I have been busy, busy, busy. My mother-in-law came from Georgia to visit for almost two weeks, and Erin, consequently, turned us on our heads. It was a great visit, but the person/thing that profited most from the visit was definitely Flash. He’s currently suffering from PTSD, however, he had a bit of a reprieve given that Grandma Vicki brought two furry little Shih-tzu puppies with her : Hannah and Sadie. They might be able to get a discount on group therapy, if it weren’t for the fact they live 11 hours away from each other. Misery loves company. Oh well. Anyway, Grandma Vicki slept in Erin’s bed, which was perfectly fine since she vacates her bed every night to form the letter H formation between her father and I in our bed. The draw of the puppies was too great, though, and she spent many a night in her sleeping bag, hunkered down on the floor next to Grandma Vicki, right where the puppies slept.

Here is a pic of the happy camper. (Singlular, not plural.)

I called the puppies for a comment, but they are still  working through their own PTSD issues.

I called the puppies for a comment, but they are still working through their own PTSD issues.

Then there were nights like this, when she refused to sleep anywhere, so we had to put the gate up in our bedroom to keep her in there.

She's picketing. On the floor in front of Rudy's crate. She's smart as shit.

She’s picketing. On the floor in front of Rudy’s crate. She’s smart as shit. Plus, she got caught 1) not being in bed like we asked and, 2) enjoying herself reading books. Double whammy.

Ok, so her sleeping situation became a bit unglued, no fault to anyone, it’s just that there was too much excitement with Grandma here! She did manage to bust out gymnastics in her usual fashion. The usual fashion being, a giant smile, stories for her teacher about how her Mom with one leg cannot do cartwheels (oh, but I can! And my husband told me to stop because I was going to hurt myself…..), picking her wedge gratuitously every 5 minutes, and the best of all – Honey Badger Jumping Jacks. Oh God, they are THE BEST.

Most kids get a stamp on their hands after class. Erin sticks her foot out and makes them stamp her foot. Can't see it here, but that's how she rolls.

Most kids get a stamp on their hands after class. Erin sticks her foot out and makes them stamp her foot.

We had a super time with Grandma Vicki!! Grandma Vicki is super organized, on time, and totally on top of everything. She was a part of our chaos for just enough time to spur her to get the hell out of dodge back to her organized, clean and on time lifestyle.

So, here we are and we’re getting back into our routine. I thought we did pretty well for a Monday morning yesterday. As usual, Erin and I were about 10 minutes late to school. Today was an entirely different story. I spent 45 minutes trying to wake her up, while I rushed around and got ready. Nope. Shirtless in my bed, she snoozed comfortably while I finally decided we weren’t making it there today. I had a Dr’s appt at 10:20am, and I’m trying to get her dressed 15 minutes before we absolutely have to walk out the door.

Me: “Erin, it’s time to get dressed.”

Erin: “Bacon.”

Me: “Erin, you need to get dressed RIGHT NOW.”

Erin: “Bacon.”

Me: “Are you saying blanket, or bacon? We don’t have any bacon, but you can bring your blanket.”

Erin: (Stomps foot on ground), “BACON.”

Me: “Come onnnnnn. I need you to get dressed. Santa Clause is watching you!”

Erin: (Stomps foot again, just once, because less is more), “BACON.”

Ok, this was almost as much fun as last week, when she did the same thing, but the super cool word was : “Daddy”. Same exact scenario, different key word. Also, this went on much longer than you see here, which is sad. I just argued with a complete crazy person who repeatedly said the word “Bacon” in response to my begging and pleading.

I have lost all threatening power with regards to Santa. She doesn’t flinch. I have no leverage. I’m over Christmas. What good is it if you can’t use it to threaten your children?

It doesn’t matter anyway, because Erin summed it up tonight to Dylan. “I don’t really like Christmas. I like Halloween much more better.”

“MOM-MEEEE! WILL YOU WIPE MY BOT-TOMMMM?!”

I yelled this from my Mom’s bathroom the other day. I wanted her to relive the moment as I live it, EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. In ways like this, I try to remind my Mom just how much fun I (probably) was when I was little!  It’s always awesome to hear that phrase shouted from the bathroom. Daily. Our little Erin is quite predictable when she trots into the bathroom and shuts the door. We know exactly what she will yell, and we wait for it like a countdown, but sometimes we don’t know “who” will be the Chosen One. Mommy? or…..Daddy? Always on the edge of our seats!

Anyway, my Mom recently turned 70. She’s a long way away from those good ‘ol days of raising us kids. She and my Dad sit back and marvel  at chuckle at me and my siblings as we rear our own. Actually, my Mom still enjoys parenting all of us to the utmost of her ability, while my Dad has been known to wink at me a time or two and say, “What goes around, comes around.” So, when it came time to plan for the party, my sister-in-law and I tried to talk my Mom into a nice, quiet dinner for Adults Only for her birthday; we know how rowdy our bunch can get. “Nope!”, she insisted. “I want to be surrounded by my grandchildren and just have pizza, and play games!”

We indulged her. Except, only half the grandkids could come. (The loud ones.)

Grandma is 70! 062

This photo was taken before multiple Flash (the hamster) “pettings”, a mostly mild concussion from son hitting his head on the floor while roughhousing, and serious shirtless dance moves to current music + Michael Jackson music (ALWAYS current). (The caterpillar dance move is still a hit at parties, by the way.)

Grandma is 70! 088

Example of shirtless dance move by the Honey Badger. Skirt is also on backwards.

Flash makes an appearance at the party. Erin is showing him her orange while he watches "Elf" with her.

Flash makes an appearance at the party. Erin is showing him her orange while he watches “Elf” with her. He LOVES that movie.

At one point, the noise in the room from 4 hyped-up grandkids was just too much, and I looked at my Mom & Dad and yelled, “We could be having a really nice, QUIET dinner right about now!” And, my Mom replied, “THIS is what I wanted!” Truly, she did want all of the chaos. And, that is beautiful.

My Mom’s heart has taken a licking, and keeps on ticking. Despite the many challenges she has faced, she is with us still. And, her grandchildren are the MOST important part of her life. Eight grandchildren – from 21 yrs. of age, to 3yrs, she’s had a major impact on all of their lives. I think she had a fabulous time on her birthday. PLUS, she got to go home to her own peace and quiet, and hop right into bed. And, that’s how it should be. (My husband would stop me right here and say that I was lying. That she didn’t really hop into bed, she climbed.)

So, I wonder what it was like for my mother, being a “Mom” to my own 3 year-old Me. Was I the original Honey Badger? Was I a complete lunatic, like Erin? Did I talk incessantly without taking a breath, as well? I doubt it. She broke the mold. I think it’s absolutely bizarre how tiny we are when our personalities develop. Erin is only 3, but she is just the absolute most fun. I just wish I could get inside her little brain for a second and see the world through her eyes. I bet I would be amazed at what I saw.